Despair rolls in...

I can't. I just know I can't. It is impossible.

And I can't face the inevitable failure.

Thunder Mountain

I love the sound of a storm at this altitude. When I was younger, I always assumed that the sound you hear in The Man From Snowy River was a poorly canned version of thunder claps. However, a bit back, when I first experienced inclimate weather up here, it was quite an eye opener. The sound echoing down the canyons is EXACTLY the same. The shivers run down my spine each and every time. I love it. And of course the look of the rain and clouds highlighting each previously unnoticed fold and dip is a thrill to my photofinger.

Participator Vs. Spectator

Smoke-fed clouds blowing up over the mesa at sunset.

I don't know how to tell you...

I don't know what to say...

I don't have the words...

I don't want to walk away...

Is it my job to say something?

Is it my place to say?

Should I initiate the topic?

Merely turn my head away?

Do you know the situation?

Do you care enough to try?

Do you notice any issues?

Do you see the times I cry?

I'll never have the voice,

I know I never will.

I'll never own the courage,

Or strength to climb that hill.

You choose inaction,

I choose security.

You shun the effort,

I shy from the sincerity.

I'll never have the words...

I'll never take that step.

I'll choose to walk away,

I'll live without that pep.

I don't know how to tell you...

Smoke-fed clouds blowing up over the mesa at sunset .

Pointed Passivity

Most of the time, I feel like I have a really good poker face. I think I do a great job of keeping what I am really thinking from showing when I am dealing with extreme stupidity.
However, I am fairly certain that I failed the other day. I walked into the store, the lady greeted me, I said I was looking to buy & asked if they could tell me a bit about what they had in store or if they had a catalog of products available.
I kid you not, the woman said, "We have lots of catalogs..." and pointed me towards the rack of Kayak magazine serials.
This would be the point that my composure slipped a bit. Naturally, I did want to buy a kayak from "Whitewater Kayaking, North America". I guess I just didn't know I did.
I suppose when I looked blankly from the rack to the lady and back a few times she got the clue I considered her mentally a bit of a dunce. Or at least the other sales person did, because he offered a tour of the store instead. The light dawned rather fully at that point because she jumped on board that idea quite well. And then took me to the HUGE warehouse of every shape and type of kayak and canoe. Once I got her started, she was actually a very thorough salesman and tour guide, and even gave me some info I had not taken into account on the research stage of this journey.

And no, I did not buy a magazine subscription.
I am all for supporting the little guy, mom&pop, locally based stores, but they had better work a bit to earn that.

Maybe I need to spiff up my poker-face...
or maybe not, maybe I need to get out my angry eyebrows...

Miserable Disappointment

I honestly can not believe I just did that. How dare I throw such a God-given opportunity back in their faces? How dare I choose to act in such a way that says I believe my own choices, preferences and plans are more important than someone else's? How can I ever face anyone again that I have just slighted? Why can't I just travel through life without any human interaction or ever needing to worry about making everyone else happy? I would rather live in the wildest of wildernesses, on only grass and roots than to ever have to face this again...