Plains Personality

Plains Personality

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We've all met them: that person that has a "one up" personality;

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED IN MY SUMMER. THIS IS MY FAVORITE BOOK. THAT HAPPENED TO ME TOO BUT I ALSO HAD TO CHEW OFF MY LEG AT THE KNEE.

Only slightly less peevishly annoying is the "I'll share and I'll share alike" crowd. These are prevalent, and often masquerade as normal people. They really want to talk, they ooze care and comradeship. But they want one word answers that agree with, support or in some way make their statement better. They get you in a corner and start:

Them: Wow, it's been really hot today!

You: Yeah, I heard it was supposed to get to 80.

Them: *Stare at you blankly like you are speaking Arabic.* So, this is really a nice place for a party.

You: Yeah, I like it. I heard they were going to hold it somewhere else but moved here.

Them: *Glance at you out of the corner of their eyes, like they can't figure out what disease you have* huh. Have you seen Mr. Frenchly lately? I heard he is moving to Scotland and taking up piping on all the cliffs of Dover!

You: Umm...No, but I don't think the White Cliffs of Dover are in Scotland...

Them: *Condescension oozing* Yes they are dear. Don't you remember that song? "Bluebirds over..."?

You: Um...Yea, but that doesn't prove they are in Scotland.

Them: *With infinite patience for the child of ignorance* OK, remember the song, what does the rest of it say? Let's remember OK? "There will be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover, tomorrow when the world is free." Right? OK. So what is the one thing everyone thinks of besides the cliffs when anyone thinks of Scotland? The Scotlishman, of course. OK, and if you think of a Scot what do you think of besides the kilt?

You: A bagpipe?

Them: *Eyes rolling* Try to keep up here. Scotland doesn't even have tobacco. No, a fight. A Scot is always fighting. So if the world needs to be free tomorrow... are you with me here? Where else would the song be set, Dear? Scotland where they are always at war! So the Cliffs of Dover are in Scotland! Are you going to be able to remember now that I explained it out?

You: *Flabbergasted by the tenure of this stupidity* Whatever.

Them: *In fine form now that they have saved the world from another uneducated person* So What do you think about that new play?

You: I haven't seen it yet.

Them: *Thrilled to their shoe buttons* Oh, it was lovely! I simply cried and cried. When the heroin dies I always think it is just like a oldtimey play! And the way she did. Just falling across Romeo thinking he was dead when he wasn't really! OH! It was So pitiful!

You: *Some of the patter sinking in* Wait what is the name of this play?

Them: *Annoyed at being interrupted with more that two syllables* Romeo and Juliet. It's by this new author named Shakespeare. Just the one word, like Madonna. Isn't that a scream? He is very mysterious, I haven't seen him around at all. I am determined to be the first though...

You: Umm...I don't think you are going to be able to. He died in the early 1600's. It's an old play they are reviving and just doing it...really well.

Them: *with the attitude clearly written in their eyes that they think you are nuts and are humoring you to get you to stop talking instead of listening.* I see. Yes, well, That's nice for him isn't it? So, That Frenchly sure beats all doesn't he? Who'd have thought he would just go off his rocker like that? Is he here, do you know? I want to see for myself...

You: I haven't seen him for a while. He is moving to Scotland but that's just a rumor about the piping and cliffs.

Them: *Frankly hostile* What? How do you know?

You: Oh, I know Mr. Frenchly.

Them: *Dismissively* Oh, well, I know all of his friends so I got it from a REALLY close source. Did you know he is completely nuts and gonna go with the whole kilt thing!?

You: Trust me, he isn't, and isn't.

Them: *Back to hostility, but the kind that belittles the receiver into a uneducated blob* You wouldn't know. Mr. Frenchly's mechanic told his girlfriend who told my boyfriend's manicurist! So you see, I HAVE IT FROM THE MAN HIMSELF!

You: *Finally fed up and leaving* Oh I see. Well, I apologize, since things must have changed since I last saw him at four, when we got married before we fly to Scotland where we both have new positions at The University of Edinburgh. Please, excuse my ignorance...and me, I have to be going now.

Them: *Turning to a new victim* Hi, nice party isn't it? Little warm. Lovely food, too. Have you heard about those Frenchlys? I heard they are moving to Scotland to work on the Icebergs....

LadyAnne